I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
