dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
