i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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