Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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