This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
