Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
