why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
