I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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