...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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