So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
