chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sarcasm needs its own font
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
