Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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