how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize