The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
