Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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