I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
