you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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