We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
