If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
