There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
