she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
