I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
