the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
