Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize