So drunk, too bad you don't want this
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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