Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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