So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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