Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
