I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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