yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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