last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
