i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
