dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
