meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize