He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
