Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
