I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
