I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
