Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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