did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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