Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
