She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
