dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
