His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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