Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
