In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
