You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
