Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
