so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
