imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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