At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
