Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if only i could text you this smell
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
