I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i now understand why vodka
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
