Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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