Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
