I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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