i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
