someone threw a dead crab at me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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