How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
