She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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