I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
