You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
