Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
