toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize