So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
