Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
