wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
