I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
