I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
